The Trap of Toxic Relationships: My Story
Toxic relationships are found everywhere. They know no boundaries and have no concerns for race, religion, education or social standing.
Betrayal of the 8-year-old girl
Toxic relationships are everywhere. They know no boundaries and have no concerns for race, religion, education, or social standing.
I am not a psychologist; I write and present on toxic relationships from my personal experience in the hope that my experience can help, support, and inspire other people who find themselves trapped in these relationships.
In my experience, you are targeted by toxic partners due to a lack of self-esteem, a lack of boundaries, and people-pleasing behaviors, and these are learned behaviors that need to be changed.
People become trapped in this toxic love due to a number of factors, including financial dependence, raging hormonal imbalances that result from the high levels of adrenalin that are constantly running through your system, and being completely isolated from any form of support network.
This toxic love cycle moves from a stage when your partner idolizes you to the stage of abuse and then back to the idolizing stage.
We live in the hope that if we try harder and do better, we will be rewarded with kindness and love.
This is the trap, and this is why so many women, including myself, take so long and find it difficult to leave these toxic relationships.
Personally, I grew up believing in the Disney story that a prince was going to arrive on his white horse, and there would be a house, children, a dog, and a white picket fence.
I didn’t know what a toxic relationship was, and could not identify the red flags or how to manage this kind of relationship.
When I was 8 years old, a book was published called Not Without My Daughter. I remember discussing this book with a friend on the way to school one day. My comment to her was that I would never put myself in this situation and would never allow anyone to treat me like this.
Little did I know what life had in store for me and what lessons I needed to learn. I believe that we all have a journey in life that is meant to ultimately allow us to be the best versions of ourselves.
Over the Easter weekend of 1997, I met Trevor. A year later, we were married.
He was the love of my life; we had so many dreams and aspirations and were going to take on the world together. He was everything to me; he made me feel like his queen and that we were soulmates.
A year into the marriage, things changed. I no longer knew the person I was married to. He was moody, started arguments over nothing, and became very controlling.
I began to feel that I was not living up to being a good wife and took on the responsibility for his behavior. I tried harder to please him, assuming his rage was my fault.
It was shortly after that, in an argument, that Trevor picked me up and threw me across the lounge. Fear silenced me, despite my shock and disbelief.
I betrayed that 8-year-old little girl. I was ashamed, blamed myself for his behavior, tried harder to be a better wife, and kept a dark secret for 18 years.
1. My Why
Recovery is never easy; it's a long road filled with ups and downs. I want to share part of my story, but mostly my knowledge and experience, to support and inspire others who are in a similar situation.
Community Vision
I envision a community of strength, encouragement, and mutual support. This space is for sharing stories, asking questions, and seeking advice—judgment-free. No one should have to go through this alone. We all have different stories but the same objective—to break free from toxic love and live a fulfilling life.
Your Part in This Journey
If any of this resonates with you, I invite you to join me. Subscribe to stay updated on new posts, and help build this community of resilience and recovery. This isn’t just my story; overcoming toxic relationships, knowledge is power and I am here to provide you with that knowledge.
Final Thoughts
It took me 18 years to escape my toxic relationship and several more to truly heal and understand what had happened to me. My journey has been anything but easy. Yet, I’ve come out the other side stronger, wiser, and most importantly, free. If my story can serve as a catalyst for even one person to take steps toward liberating themselves, then it will have been worth it.